What At-Risk Girls Should Look for in a Healthy Relationship

by ARISE Foundation

In teaching life skills for girls, relationships can feel confusing, intense, or even overwhelming. Past experiences such as trauma, neglect, instability, or unhealthy role models can make it hard to know what a healthy relationship actually looks like. Attention may feel like love, control may feel like protection, and chaos may feel normal.

But healthy relationships are not about drama, fear, or losing yourself. They are about safety, respect, and growth. Learning what to look for can help protect your heart, your future, and your sense of self.

1. Safety Comes First

A healthy relationship should make you feel emotionally and physically safe. Look for someone who:

  • Does not threaten, intimidate, or scare you
  • Respects your body and your personal space
  • Does not pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with
  • Makes you feel calmer, not constantly anxious

If you feel afraid to speak up, walk away, or say no, that’s not love; it’s a warning sign.

2. Respect Is Non-Negotiable

Respect means being treated like you matter. In a healthy relationship:

  • Your opinions and feelings are taken seriously
  • You are not insulted, mocked, or put down
  • Disagreements happen without yelling, name-calling, or violence
  • You are not blamed for someone else’s anger or behavior

Respect shows up in everyday moments, not just when things are going well.

3. You Are Allowed to Be Yourself

A good relationship does not require you to change who you are to be accepted. Look for someone who:

  • Accepts your personality, background, and goals
  • Does not control what you wear, who you talk to, or where you go
  • Encourages your growth instead of holding you back
  • Supports your education, dreams, and plans

You should never have to shrink yourself to keep someone close.

4. Healthy Communication Matters

Strong relationships are built on honest, calm communication. In a healthy relationship:

  • Both people can talk about feelings without fear
  • Problems are discussed, not ignored or exploded
  • Apologies are sincere and followed by change
  • Listening matters as much as talking

If someone refuses to listen, shuts you down, or twists your words, that’s a sign the relationship may not be healthy.

5. Boundaries Are Respected

Boundaries protect your well-being. They are not selfish. Look for someone who:

  • Accepts “no” without pushing or guilt-tripping
  • Respects your limits with time, space, and touch
  • Does not demand constant access to you
  • Allows you to have friends, family, and interests outside the relationship

Someone who truly cares about you will not cross your boundaries to get what they want.

6. Trust Is Built, Not Rushed

Healthy relationships take time. In a safe relationship:

  • Trust grows slowly through consistent actions
  • Promises are kept
  • Honesty matters, even when it’s uncomfortable
  • You are not pressured to share everything before you’re ready

If someone pushes for quick commitment, secrets, or isolation, slow down and pay attention.

7. You Feel Supported, Not Controlled

Support means helping you become stronger, not dependent. Look for someone who:

  • Encourages you to make your own choices
  • Supports your independence
  • Celebrates your successes
  • Does not use jealousy, guilt, or fear to control you

Love should help you grow, not trap you.

At-risk girls deserve healthy love even if you’ve never seen it before. Your past does not decide your future. Learning what to look for is a powerful step toward protecting yourself and building a better life. Healthy relationships are not perfect, but they are safe, respectful, and supportive.

Discussion Questions

In teaching life skills for girls, consider using these discussion prompts:

  • What are some signs that a relationship is healthy?
  • What are some red flags that a relationship is not healthy?
  • What does it feel like when someone crosses your boundary?
  • How can you say “no” to someone without feeling guilty?
  • What does trust mean to you?
  • How do you know when someone is trustworthy?
  • What decisions should always be yours in a relationship?
  • How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship?

Life Skills Activity: Positive and Negative Relationship Signs

Prompt:

  • “Think about friendships or relationships you’ve experienced or observed. What are the ‘green flags’ (the signs someone treats you well) and what are the ‘red flags’ (the warning signs)?”

Facilitator Tips:

  • Record responses on a board or large piece of paper
  • Validate all contributions
  • Examples to guide discussion if needed:
    • Green flags: listens, respects boundaries, encourages goals
    • Red flags: pressure, yelling, ignoring feelings, controlling behavior
  • Wrap up discussion with: “If you notice a red flag in a relationship, what is one safe step you could take?”

 

ARISE Relationship Audit for Girls offers interactive group discussions on building positive relationships and many more life skills for girls.

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